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January 1st, 2017

09:11 pm - Public Service "messages"
We all send messages through our daily choices and activities. If I read the tea leaves right, the incoming administration will be very hard on a lot of people. Legal protections will be chiselled away, eroded at every opportunity. There will be no good and righteous hand to stay the acts of discrimination, of hostility. So I'm making my own public service message. I don't need the laws to say 'be nice' to people who are different. I will sit next to people who look different than I do. I will chat on the train and bus with blacks and Muslims and minorities of every stripe. I will rent to the queers, the transgender, the outcasts. I will support their pursuit of civil rights, equal protection, and equal pay. This is my public service, and my message through action. And I will defy every step, increment, and action of the incoming government that attempts to undermine the rights and potential of the diversity and wonder which is the core of what makes America a great place. Because we are already, we have been, and we shall be great, because we are a place of many ways, many thoughts, and many peoples.

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December 27th, 2016

08:36 pm - Just like everyone else, I'm talking about 2016
This was a banner year for me in my job. My prospects are looking great on that front. But I have to say, that's where the good times end.

I have spent this year watching people wink out one by one, near and far. It's always tough to lose someone you looked up to, but this year it's been a steady barrage of bad news that goes beyond that. We've lost a friend to suicide this year. Another family we know lost a young son and brother far before his time. I've listened to the whispered family talk of a cousin in rehab or on another bender. When we would have looked to the world of entertainment and idealism to escape, there was no refuge from the darkness. Icon after icon seemed to fall, death taking them from the world they inspired and were loved by. Whether it was David Bowie or George Michael, Prince or Carrie Fisher whose death finally broke the camel's back, I'm not sure I can really say. But here we are. I had to choke back tears today at my day job, when I learned Carrie Fisher had died. She symbolized much of the power-feminine that I have embraced in my life. The portrayal of a kickass princess who takes no crap, the bouncing back from real life tragedy and challenge, the message bearing to the world to be real, speak your truth, and struggle through. All of that was iconic in a way that feels different right now, with the changes afoot in the world. The election drove it home. Hope is dead. Integrity may be right behind it. Fear and anger are ruling the society I live in. And Yoda was right: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” I see so much suffering ahead.

There are only a few days left in this calendar year, and I want to sleep through them because I don't know who else can drop in that time. I don't know how much more cultural hemorrhaging we can take. I want to carry the hope inside me, but honestly it's a damned hard sell today.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed

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November 22nd, 2016

02:14 pm - Digital life

Smashed my phone screen this week. First time! So now I'm rebuilding my digital life. Ugh... But it's easier than it used to be thanks to backups.

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November 9th, 2016

08:26 pm - Grab yer drinks friends
Hang onto your hats, your beers, and your rights. Not necessarily in that order.
Current Mood: shockedshocked

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October 30th, 2016

09:22 am - Poached eggs
I only recently learned how to really poach the perfect egg. My gods what a revelation!
So while I have other more somber things on my mind, two little poached bits of perfection are at least making my tastebuds and belly very, very happy.

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October 3rd, 2016

08:56 pm - New day, new baloney
SO the house quote comes in. The original 'allowance' for site work was $40,000. They said oh you have well and septic already, thats good. I'm thinking yay, this should reduce our costs! Oh, no. Not to be. They want $64,200 plus... Say WHAT?!? Mofo???!!

How do you add $24k in costs when I'm having you do LESS work than is typical on a new house build? And of course, the modular company has been dodging us for at least a week on providing these numbers from their site guy, because they knew they were on the moon. They knew it would likely piss us off.

So now, we have to consider finding another GC, because their site guy IS their GC. And if you don't use their guy for the site work, how hard is he really going to work to GC for you?

So now we're extremely unlikely to get the house built this year. That means another year living in the trailer, bleeding heat, going through kerosene and wood like crazy. It means another season of allergies and aggravation, no space to host or be social, and more maintenance on an obsolete housing unit. I swear the universe is testing us.

Naturally I'm fried to the moon and back. I came home from work as early as was reasonable. I added perches to the chicken coop. I mucked out under the existing perches. I washed dishes, made dinner, and washed more dishes, and ran some laundry. Nothing is clean enough, organized enough, RIGHT enough. Faaaahhhk. Nothing like shit going wrong to bring out a little OCD in me.

It SO time for things to start working in our favor.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious

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September 24th, 2016

08:10 am - When the hits keep on coming

We've seen to many problems recently.  Hubby has had old trauma dug up for him in a very personal and destructive way. We've had two people were know lose beloved pets.  Then we got word that an old friend who'd moved out of state had died. She was "too young" as they say. Forty something, but with a heart condition.  We didn't get more detail than that.  It's thrown us off even further. And of course attending the service, which is states away, with strangers, on short notice, isn't going to pan out.

Its hard to reconcile death at this age.  It's harder for him I think, since he's younger than me.  She was also a reminder for him to face some of that other trauma so recently ripped open, to not allow it to damage a relationship with someone who is still living, with whom he can still possibly build bridges.  That's hard to own for anyone. But I think for a traditional male, it's much worse.

Meanwhile we are still trying to build a house. Living in a forty year old trailer is not our idea of fun. Lots of challenges there, too, and very little spare energy to give it.  And it's Maine, so we have winter on the way to put actual icing on top.

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September 18th, 2016

08:16 am
I'm here so rarely I wasn't even sure how to post, ack.

I am really frustrated by the lack of social media venues for people like myself who like more long form communication. Twitter and the like are fine for staying in brief touch with people. But when I need a serious brain-dump, I love the longer form. I want to get into the weeds. I can't seem to find a venue to do so anymore. And right now, the rest of the household is asleep, except for me and the cat. So I'm sitting here with my coffee, my cat, and my computer, sounding rather cliché for 2004, and somewhat dated for 2016. Yikes.

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June 2nd, 2015

10:40 am - Is it Friday yet?

I'm toast.


May 26th, 2015

08:31 am - Woot, fish!

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